Oxford Dictionaries has responded to anthropologist Michael Oman-Reagan after the latter argued their definition of ârabidâ was sexist due to its use of the example phrase ârabid feminist,â a term that Oxford has promised to revisit and potentially revise in their collection going forward. What do you think?
Jeremy Corbyn has finally made his first appearance at the cross-party Parliamentary Fight Club, which dates back to the 1800s and pits MPS in no holds barred, bare-knuckle fighting. He defeated, John Pugh, Lib Dem spokesperson for education, but Fight Club regular Michael Gove, who prefers to fight naked, said that the performance lacked any real aggression and he simply wore his opponent down finally by a points victory.
It is thought that Corbyn polled his Twitter followers earlier in the day as to what type of strikes he should inflict on his opponent. On attempting a predictable upper he was heard to say âThis one’s from Marjorie Evans in Cardiff!â
He is due to fight again in two monthsâ time and followers are hoping for a David Cameron match-up, although Cameron will insist on a tag team with their respective chancellors and the choice of one non-lethal weapon each. Cameron will choose a wooden replica of a Trident missile to taunt Corbyn, whereas rumours are that his opponent will wear a boar’s head.
Embalmer who put fake tan on Jim Morrison and Ray Manzarek told to ânever darken our Doors againâ. More soon
Secretary of State for Justice Michael Gove has given his first approval to use a gene-editing tool on 10 to 17 year-old criminals. Researchers at the Francis Crick Institute will attempt to modify DNA in donated offenders to better understand which human genes are responsible for extreme twattishness.
Once isolated, a destroy and replace function enables the DNA of a lamb to be imported. In government efforts to alleviate a teeming adult prison population, the most violent young convicts will be given an ultimatum: accept gene therapy or accept fast-tracked assisted suicide in Zurich.
Geneticist Karen James commented: âNo UK medical trials have been undertaken as we rely on some encouraging results from China; Beijing authorities have carried out similar experiments, albeit illegally, with a 36% unimpaired brain rate.â
SANTA CLARA, CAâFollowing his teamâs 24-10 win in Super Bowl 50, Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning ended weeks of speculation surrounding his future by announcing Sunday that he has at least one more surgery in him. âIâve had a long run and been a part of a lot of pretty big surgeries, but I still think Iâve got one more major operation left in the tank,â said Manning, adding that he had deliberated for the past six months with friends, family, and medical specialists before deciding that he wasnât ready to hang up his hospital gown for good. âUltimately, I have to listen to my body, but Iâll keep going as long as I can still handle the anesthesia. I just canât imagine myself never being under those bright lights in the operating room again. Iâll get on the gurney one more ...
SANTA CLARA, CAâFollowing the teamâs 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday. âTo go out on top with a Super Bowl win, thereâs no better way to end our time in the league,â read a joint statement released by quarterback Peyton Manning, general manager John Elway, head coach Gary Kubiak, all 22 assistant coaches, every executive in the Broncosâ front office, and every player on the Broncosâ roster, as well as the organizationâs trainers, equipment managers, scouting personnel, medical staff, executive assistants, marketing team, IT team, human resources department, receptionists, security guards, and janitors, and the Sports Authority Stadium at Mile High ushers, grounds crew, and food vendors. âIt was a tough decision to make, but ultimately, we realized that weâd accomplished everything we set out to do, and ...
News in Brief: Area Dad Spends Super Bowl Looking Regretfully At Son Who Wasnât Allowed To Play Football
WESTERVILLE, OHâRepeatedly glancing away from the television while the rest of his family excitedly watched the game, local father Doug Bryant reportedly spent most of the Super Bowl 50 broadcast Sunday looking regretfully at his 17-year-old son, Alex, who was never allowed to play football. âSome game so far, huh?â said Bryant, clapping his son on the shoulder as they watched the game together, all the while ruefully recalling how he and his wife had refused his sonâs requests to play Pop Warner football over the years, thus preventing him from ever discovering a talent for the sport, competing at a high level, and perhaps someday even making it all the way to the Super Bowl himself as a star NFL player. âThat was a heck of a play right there. Great catch, and what a throw, too. Just awesome.â Sources also confirmed that at one point during ...
SANTA CLARA, CAâDisappointing the thousands of fans in attendance as well as an estimated 100 million viewers watching at home, the Super Bowl 50 halftime show was marred Sunday by the stadiumâs functioning sound system, sources confirmed. âRight from the beginning, the sound was working normally, and unfortunately, I could clearly hear the singing,â said 29-year-old spectator Joe Kessler, adding that the showâs audio feed, which was amplified throughout the stadium and transmitted to television broadcasts with no technical issues, made the performances by Beyonce, Coldplay, and Bruno Mars completely unbearable. âThere was definitely nothing wrong with the speakers or the microphones. Itâs a shame, because the perfect sound quality just ruined the whole thing.â Kessler added that he hopes Super Bowl organizers would learn from the incident and avoid a similar disaster next year.
Sports News in Brief: Surviving Members Of First Championship Team Honored During Puppy Bowl Halftime
NEW YORKâSlowly making their way out to midfield with the assistance of their owners, surviving members of the first Puppy Bowl championship team were honored at Animal Planet Stadium during Sundayâs Kitty Half-Time Show. âTonight, we are proud to recognize the accomplishments of these iconic legends whose exceptional playfulness on the sportâs cutest stage paved the way for future generations of puppy players,â announcer Dan Schachner said before introducing the aging title-winnersâseveral of whom are now blind or whose hind legs are supported by a wheelchairâand giving each dog a commemorative Puppy Bowl I chew toy. âOf course, no one will ever forget âThe Fetchââthe defining moment of that first Puppy Bowl and arguably the most adorable play in puppy football historyâwhen Cocoa sniffed out an opposing wagging-tailback in the barkfield, retrieved the plush ball, and took it all the way to the ...
SANTA CLARA, CAâAdmitting to being âworried sickâ after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed. âI looked downfield for a few seconds, and when I looked back, he was goneâwe all just started panicking and trying to figure out what happened,â said Cooper Manning, adding that his brother was soon spotted roaming aimlessly near the sideline. âWe always tell him, âPeyton, you have to stay inside the pocket so we know youâre safe,â but sometimes he just forgets where he is. Thank God heâs okay, but my heart was in my mouth for a few minutes there. He has to be more aware of his surroundings, because next time we might ...
Following the second beaching of a whale on their shores, Norfolk County Council chiefs have announced their intention to fine the next whale that chooses to strand itself on any of their beaches to deter any further standing incidents.
Announcing the plan as a âdeterrentâ, chief executive Ian Rate commented, âWhilst we have sympathy with these mammals, they canât just park themselves on our bootiful beaches and expect us to look after them. The cost of attending to a broken down whale is huge and itâs not easy getting a breakdown truck out to tow these brutes away.’
Responding to criticism that the authorities were being rather harsh, Rate said: ‘We’ve done everything we can, we’ve posted notices on the wind farms warning creatures of the risk of stranding; hired whale whisperers to persuade the spermy buggers to move; and we’ve even looked into providing free satnavs to stop them becoming lost, all to no avail. So we think the threat of a fine is the only thing left to us.â
âWhat I canât understand,â he continued, âis why these whales keep choosing to strand themselves on our wonderful golden beaches and not those in Suffolk? Unless, of course, itâs because Suffolk only has crappy old shingle beaches which no self-respecting whale would go near â even to die. Ahahahahaha. Just kidding. No, seriously â and go ahead and marry outside your families if you like, itâs no skin off my nose.â
Although the spectacle of an ailing whale could arguably be a boost to local businesses at this quiet time of year, Mr Rate said this simply isn’t the case because only one shop opens in Hunstanton before Easter. Instead, he urged Japan to accelerate its ongoing research into wales by killing a few more in the North Sea.
âE-mail is due to be launched in Norwich next month, but we just donât know if that will be soon enough. How quickly do you think the Japanese scientists could research these whales to extinction? We need those beaches to be clear by mid-May for the witch-burning season.â
Stan and Des/Deceangli
SANTA CLARA, CAâHaving suffered from intense pregame nerves just 30 minutes before the kickoff of Super Bowl 50, Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning confirmed Sunday that he felt much better after throwing up blood in the locker room. âI always get major butterflies right before a big game, so itâs nice to just get it out of my system,â Manning said while wiping smeared blood from around his mouth with a paper towel, having spent over 20 minutes vomiting blood into a toilet until he was left dry-heaving. âItâs good to be nervous, though. This has just become part of my routine over the last few years.â Manning added that he also likes to spend a few minutes hitting a punching bag before each game in order to pump himself up and get the feeling in his arms back.
In a day of frantic bidding, Sky has won exclusive rights to Operation Yewtree raids, wresting control from the BBC. The move has won especial approval from the South Yorkshire Police Commissioner, who stated that his officers ‘were looking forward to working closely with Sky.’
In a separate statement officers from Operation Yewtree praised the BBC for its ‘unstinting professionalism’ and insisted that most Yewtree officers would ‘probably continue to purchase a TV Licence.’
Sir Cliff Richard praised the move. ‘Although I’ve had nothing but respect for the BBC regarding their Wimbledon coverage, they’ve been hopelessly out of their depth on this project. I can’t wait for Sky to cover the return of South Yorkshire police to my various homes, and hopefully we can issue my films, concerts and home raids as a box set for Sky customers.’
North Korea has brought forward the pretend launching of a satellite. They’d originally said they would claim the launch in 2 weeks time but following Kim Jong-Un’s early triumph on an online Photoshop course, they now feel confident the made-up rocket firing would ‘take-place’ next week.
The North Korean government issued the following statement, ‘Supreme leader Kim not only completed an awkward cloning test, he also rewrote the entire Photoshop program in 20 minutes and redesigned the computer all while pleasuring Mrs Kim with the other hand. With these skills in place, we feel confident that satellite launch will definitely take place, assuming he remembers to plug in his laptop.’