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Trump postpones military junta ‘to 2019′

News Biscuit - 3 hours 25 min ago

President Trump’s plans for a Veterans’ Day military parade followed by a star-spangled dictatorship, have been delayed due to a shortage of tan-green uniforms in his size. Organizers have had to cancel 100 metric tonnes of bunting, a ‘monster-tank’ for Don Junior and the inevitable internment of all liberal elites.

Initially Trump had insisted that the parade honours those who have laid down for their country – starting with an inflatable Stormy Daniels. This will be followed by Trump’s new arms of the military; Space Force, Forced Consent and Forced Testimony.

Trump is said to have been inspired by North Korea’s own military parades and their public’s display of unconditional love and malnutrition. Unfortunately the cost of $90 million far exceeds what the President is willing to a pay – unless it is used as part of a non-disclosure agreement.

A Trump spokeswoman said: ‘Originally the parade was due to take place in the streets of Washington DC, but we’re now hoping to extend the junta to the whole of the free world. President Trump has always respected the military, which is why the event will be lead by the Laker Girls. We will show the world that the US is no puppet-state…provided we get the go ahead from Mr. Putin’.

Categories: Fake News

Northern Cyprus looks to Ankara as Turkish lira's woes bite

AJE - 3 hours 49 min ago
Island's Turkish part operates in lira but many items are priced in foreign currency leaving it exposed to fluctuations.
Categories: South Asia

Gaza protests: All the latest updates

AJE - 5 hours 8 min ago
Since protests began on March 30, Israeli forces have killed at least 166 Palestinians in the besieged coastal enclave.
Categories: South Asia

Mali re-elects Ibrahim Boubacar Keita: What you should know

AJE - 5 hours 14 min ago
Mali's incumbent president has been decisively re-elected, but main opposition leader Soumaila Cisse alleges fraud.
Categories: South Asia

Turkey court rejects US pastor Andrew Brunson release appeal

AJE - 6 hours 17 min ago
Court in Izmir says clergyman, who is held on espionage and terror-related charges, will stay under house arrest.
Categories: South Asia

How safe are Italy's roads and bridges?

AJE - 6 hours 31 min ago
A major bridge in Genoa collapsed on Tuesday, killing at least 38 people.
Categories: South Asia

WHO expects more DRC Ebola cases as violence hampers aid efforts

AJE - 7 hours 3 min ago
Seventy-eight cases recorded in latest Ebola outbreak, causing 44 deaths, health officials say.
Categories: South Asia

Germany reaches deal with Greece to return asylum seekers

AJE - 7 hours 24 min ago
The agreement relates to people who applied for asylum in Greece before moving on to Germany.
Categories: South Asia

Israeli forces shut down Al-Aqsa Mosque compound

AJE - 7 hours 36 min ago
Closure comes after police say they shot dead Palestinian who tried to stab group of Israeli police officers.
Categories: South Asia

Six NYC taxi drivers have committed suicide since November

AJE - 8 hours 14 min ago
For-hire drivers hope new cap on ride-sharing apps will help relieve financial pressure that some say is now unbearable.
Categories: South Asia

India's Kerala state devastated by worst flood in a century

AJE - 9 hours 10 min ago
Death toll from floods in southern state of Kerala jumps to hundreds, with more than 220,000 forced from their homes.
Categories: South Asia

People evacuated from rooftops as Kerala floods kill hundreds

AJE - 9 hours 31 min ago
Stranded people moved to 1,200 camps as heavy rains kill 164, pushing overall death toll during monsoon season to 324.
Categories: South Asia

UN human rights committee asks Brazil to let Lula run in election

AJE - 9 hours 39 min ago
UN body says imprisoned former president cannot be disqualified from poll because his legal appeals are still ongoing.
Categories: South Asia

Imran Khan, 'new Pakistan' and the diaspora dilemma

AJE - 10 hours 26 min ago
Expatriates pin high hopes on prime minister-elect, as new government urges overseas nationals to invest in the country.
Categories: South Asia

My take on Jeremy Corbyn's apology

AJE - 10 hours 43 min ago
In Palestine, we hope the Labour leader will stand his ground and continue to give a voice to our struggle for justice.
Categories: South Asia

Imran Khan elected as Pakistan's prime minister

AJE - 11 hours 2 min ago
Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf chief, who will take oath of office on Saturday, promises an era of 'accountability'.
Categories: South Asia

Is Turkey really looking for alternatives to the West?

AJE - 11 hours 49 min ago
Ankara is not interested in replacing its traditional partnerships, it wants to teach Washington a lesson.
Categories: South Asia

Drought reveals ancient henge in Wales and glimpse of Johnson’s integrity

News Biscuit - 12 hours 20 min ago

Ancient farms, burial mounds, neolithic monuments and a faint hint of honour from Boris Johnson are amongst many fascinating finds exposed by this summer’s drought. While archaeologists are excited by discovering the outlines of 5000 year old structures, what’s really captured the imagination is the possibility that a tiny glimpse of integrity from Boris Johnson may have been exposed.

Professor Jenkins of the university of Dundee explained; “scientists are using powerful electron microscopic techniques to examine aerial photographs of Boris Johnson’s head. For the most part every particle of Boris Johnson has the word ‘ME’ burnt into it, but at the deepest level the drought has exposed a single cell and if you look very closely, there is a tiny question mark after the ‘ME’. Oh no, it’s a hair – false alarm.”

Categories: Fake News

Pakistan: Who is Imran Khan?

AJE - 12 hours 46 min ago
From international cricket star to Pakistan’s prime minister-elect. A look at the life and political rise of Imran Khan.
Categories: South Asia
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