Feed aggregator

Pastor Curry To Be Charged with Spreading ‘Love Speech’

News Biscuit - 4 hours 15 min ago

To counterbalance the crime of ‘hate speech’, Her Majesty the Queen has asked parliament to enact a Bill criminalising ‘Love Speech’ after Pastor Curry mentioned the word 978 times a minute during Harry and Meghan’s wedding. If the law is passed those guilty of ‘Love Speech’ will be punished by having to listen to old recordings of Katie Hopkins’ radio show.

Senior members of the Royal Family are still seething at having to listen to 13 minutes of love-filled invective. ‘We weren’t ready for such a love-ful diatribe,’ said one unnamed royal. ‘One minute we’re sitting there, happily nodding off to the Archbishop boring us to the death, the next minute some black American chap has sprung up out of nowhere and starts babbling on about…love! I thought it was completely inappropriate – at a wedding of all places!’

Zara Phillips was even more scathing. ‘I was about to order Mike to run up there and rugby tackle the bastard. Then I thought, no, better save that for later in case Elton John gets anywhere near a piano. But I mean dear lord, what was the man thinking? This is the Royal Motherfucking Family for fuck’s sake not some Southern Baptist Church full of happy-clappy nut-bags.’

‘I mean, I know hate preachers are thoroughly bad chaps, but bloody hell – 3 minutes into that nonsense and I was starting to think where’s bloody Abu Qatada when you need him. At least he wouldn’t have rambled on about fire-powered jet-planes, some complete wanker called Martin Luther King, and some other hippy-sounding love-bandit called Jesus.’

Categories: Fake News

Facebook's Zuckerberg grilled by EU Parliament over data scandal

AJE - 4 hours 43 min ago
Social network's boss will meet the EU and explain how the data of users ended up in the hands of a consultancy.
Categories: South Asia

Trump: 'Substantial chance' summit with Kim will not go ahead

AJE - 4 hours 50 min ago
Summit with North Korean leader under threat unless Pyongyang meets 'certain conditions', US president says.
Categories: South Asia

Thousands of public workers protest against Macron's reforms

AJE - 5 hours 31 min ago
Emmanuel Macron, who plans to cut 120,000 public sector jobs, is on a collision course with France's trade unions.
Categories: South Asia

Nicolas Maduro expels US envoy amid new sanctions

AJE - 6 hours 17 min ago
Venezuelan president expels top US diplomat after Washington imposes new sanctions over disputed presidential election.
Categories: South Asia

Lebanon's new parliament set to hold first session

AJE - 6 hours 20 min ago
Nabih Berri, holding the position of assembly speaker since 1992, is widely expected to be reappointed in first session.
Categories: South Asia

Iran seen to hang on to nuclear deal amid US sanctions, threats

AJE - 6 hours 53 min ago
Analysts say Tehran needs tangible guarantees from Europe to protect businesses from being hit by American sanctions.
Categories: South Asia

What if Iran does not comply with US demands?

AJE - 7 hours 17 min ago
The US makes 12 sweeping demands of Iran and warns against 'the strongest sanctions in history'.
Categories: South Asia

Rights groups: Three more activists arrested in Saudi crackdown

AJE - 7 hours 21 min ago
The activists, mostly women who advocated for equal rights and driving, were smeared by state-linked media as traitors.
Categories: South Asia

Amnesty: Rohingya fighters killed scores of Hindus in Myanmar

AJE - 7 hours 34 min ago
Rights group says Rohingya rebels killed as many as 99 Hindu villagers in one day in August last year.
Categories: South Asia

Philippines' lacklustre fight in the South China Sea

AJE - 8 hours 12 min ago
Amid South China Sea dispute, President Rodrigo Duterte balks at pushing back after landmark maritime rights ruling.
Categories: South Asia

Italy's villages face economic crisis fuelled by austerity

AJE - 9 hours 10 min ago
Many doubt vow of populist parties in new coalition government to restore rights of working class Italians.
Categories: South Asia

Bangladesh: Extrajudicial killing fears in drug crackdown

AJE - 10 hours 25 min ago
More than 30 alleged drug dealers killed in the past week in 'shootouts' with police amid rights activists' warnings.
Categories: South Asia

Nipah virus outbreak kills 10 in India

AJE - 10 hours 39 min ago
No vaccine available for deadly infection carried by fruit bats, as 12 tested positive in southern state of Kerala.
Categories: South Asia

WWE superstar Mustafa Ali: I've completely shattered the barrier

AJE - 11 hours 34 min ago
Mustafa Ali, a Muslim wrestler of Pakistani descent, says his religion and culture are incidental to his success.
Categories: South Asia

Heavy casualties as blast rocks Afghan city of Kandahar

AJE - 11 hours 35 min ago
Afghan forces accidentally detonate explosives in southern city of Kandahar, killing 16 and wounding 38 others.
Categories: South Asia

Yekaterinburg mayor resigns over scrapping of elections

AJE - 11 hours 42 min ago
Yevgeny Roizman announces resignation, criticising the abolition of direct elections as a blow to democracy.
Categories: South Asia

Egypt army intensifies Sinai home demolitions: HRW

AJE - 12 hours 50 sec ago
Thousands of residents displaced after at least 3,000 homes, businesses and farms were destroyed, rights group says.
Categories: South Asia

Palestine submits ICC referral to open probe into 'Israel crimes'

AJE - 12 hours 1 min ago
In a first, Palestinian leadership submits referral to International Criminal Court to investigate 'Israeli crimes'.
Categories: South Asia

Iran slams US over threat of 'strongest sanctions in history'

AJE - 12 hours 2 min ago
Condemnation follows Washington's new demands over Tehran's nuclear programme.
Categories: South Asia
Syndicate content