Feed aggregator

President Trump’s plans for a Veterans’ Day military parade followed by a star-spangled dictatorship, have been delayed due to a shortage of tan-green uniforms in his size. Organizers have had to cancel 100 metric tonnes of bunting, a ‘monster-tank’ for Don Junior and the inevitable internment of all liberal elites.

Initially Trump had insisted that the parade honours those who have laid down for their country – starting with an inflatable Stormy Daniels. This will be followed by Trump’s new arms of the military; Space Force, Forced Consent and Forced Testimony.

Trump is said to have been inspired by North Korea’s own military parades and their public’s display of unconditional love and malnutrition. Unfortunately the cost of $90 million far exceeds what the President is willing to a pay – unless it is used as part of a non-disclosure agreement.

A Trump spokeswoman said: ‘Originally the parade was due to take place in the streets of Washington DC, but we’re now hoping to extend the junta to the whole of the free world. President Trump has always respected the military, which is why the event will be lead by the Laker Girls. We will show the world that the US is no puppet-state…provided we get the go ahead from Mr. Putin’.

Island's Turkish part operates in lira but many items are priced in foreign currency leaving it exposed to fluctuations.

Since protests began on March 30, Israeli forces have killed at least 166 Palestinians in the besieged coastal enclave.

Mali's incumbent president has been decisively re-elected, but main opposition leader Soumaila Cisse alleges fraud.

Court in Izmir says clergyman, who is held on espionage and terror-related charges, will stay under house arrest.

A major bridge in Genoa collapsed on Tuesday, killing at least 38 people.

Seventy-eight cases recorded in latest Ebola outbreak, causing 44 deaths, health officials say.

The agreement relates to people who applied for asylum in Greece before moving on to Germany.

Closure comes after police say they shot dead Palestinian who tried to stab group of Israeli police officers.

For-hire drivers hope new cap on ride-sharing apps will help relieve financial pressure that some say is now unbearable.

Death toll from floods in southern state of Kerala jumps to hundreds, with more than 220,000 forced from their homes.

Stranded people moved to 1,200 camps as heavy rains kill 164, pushing overall death toll during monsoon season to 324.

UN body says imprisoned former president cannot be disqualified from poll because his legal appeals are still ongoing.

Expatriates pin high hopes on prime minister-elect, as new government urges overseas nationals to invest in the country.

In Palestine, we hope the Labour leader will stand his ground and continue to give a voice to our struggle for justice.

Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf chief, who will take oath of office on Saturday, promises an era of 'accountability'.

Ankara is not interested in replacing its traditional partnerships, it wants to teach Washington a lesson.

Ancient farms, burial mounds, neolithic monuments and a faint hint of honour from Boris Johnson are amongst many fascinating finds exposed by this summer’s drought. While archaeologists are excited by discovering the outlines of 5000 year old structures, what’s really captured the imagination is the possibility that a tiny glimpse of integrity from Boris Johnson may have been exposed.

Professor Jenkins of the university of Dundee explained; “scientists are using powerful electron microscopic techniques to examine aerial photographs of Boris Johnson’s head. For the most part every particle of Boris Johnson has the word ‘ME’ burnt into it, but at the deepest level the drought has exposed a single cell and if you look very closely, there is a tiny question mark after the ‘ME’. Oh no, it’s a hair – false alarm.”

From international cricket star to Pakistan’s prime minister-elect. A look at the life and political rise of Imran Khan.