Feed aggregator
Video: Iran’s president says country won’t abandon its nuclear programme
Iran’s President has told Al Jazeera his country is committed to continuing its nuclear program for peaceful purposes.
Categories: South Asia
These countries condemn the Gaza war but have major ties to Israel
Protesters are demanding action against Israel and not just words, after 28 countries called for an end to the Gaza war.
Categories: South Asia
‘Unbearable’: Ukrainians deported by Russia, stranded at Georgia border
Ukrainian deportees being held in a cramped Georgian border facility are trapped between two countries.
Categories: South Asia
Sudan’s competing authorities are beholden to militia leaders, say analysts
Both the army-backed government and RSF-backed alliance are increasingly rewarding loyal armed groups on the ground.
Categories: South Asia
Greek island residents stop Israeli cruise ship docking
Residents on the Greek island of Syros prevented passengers on an Israeli cruise ship from getting off the vessel.
Categories: South Asia
In landmark opinion, UN court says climate change an ‘existential threat’
ICJ Judge Yuji Iwasawa says greenhouse emissions are 'unequivocally caused by human activities' as he delivers opinion.
Categories: South Asia
Malaysia “calls on world leaders” to restrain Israel
Malaysian PM Anwar Ibrahim called on world leaders including US President Donald Trump, to restrain Israel
Categories: South Asia
Yes, The New York Times is committing genocidal journalism
In his latest NYT column, Bret Stephens tries to excuse a uniquely horrific crime with uniquely horrific journalism.
Categories: South Asia
Aid groups warn of ‘mass starvation’ in Gaza
More than 100 aid groups warn of mass starvation in Gaza, urge ceasefire and end to Israel blocking humanitarian aid.
Categories: South Asia
Palestinians in Gaza react to Israel’s ban on access to the sea
Palestinians in Gaza say Israel’s ban on access to the sea has stripped them of their last source of food and freedom.
Categories: South Asia
The night Iran struck Qatar
Al Jazeera Arabic Digital newsroom has gone behind the scenes, breaking down the events of that night, second by second
Categories: South Asia
Video: Hundreds of Bedouin families evacuated from Syria’s Suwayda
The United Nations has evacuated hundreds of Bedouin families from the Syrian city of Suwayda.
Categories: South Asia
Protesters target UN’s Guterres to stop Israel starving Gaza
Protesters gathered outside the New York residence of UN Secretary General Antonio Guterres demanding he do more on Gaza
Categories: South Asia
Turkiye calls for end to ‘bloody war’ at new round of Russia-Ukraine talks
Expectations are low for the latest round of talks between the countries, held amid US pressure to end the war.
Categories: South Asia
More than 100 NGOs warn Israel’s forced ‘mass starvation’ stalks all Gaza
Palestinian Health Ministry in Gaza says 111 people have now died from famine and malnutrition in recent weeks.
Categories: South Asia
Johnson & Hancock awarded Nobel prize for work on ‘not following the science’
The thorny question of whether or not the UK government was really following the science has been solved by this year’s Nobel Laureates.
Johnson and Hancock’s valuable research over the last 18 months hypothesised what would happen if senior members of a government told everyone they were following the science but, in fact, were ‘not following the science at all.’
A spokesperson for the Nobel medicine Committee said the UK team’s ‘doing the exact opposite’ research project allowed us to make sense for the first time the government thinking behind such policies as:
– The ‘delay in taking any action whatsoever’ strategy
– The ‘not stopping flights coming to the UK from Wuhan until the day before the Chinese locked down the city; strategy
– The ‘Boris Johnson still shaking hands despite warnings from the Spi-behavioural group’ strategy
– The ‘let’s go for herd immunity’ strategy
– The ‘don’t bother with facemasks’ strategy
– The ‘we’re not listening to the WHO’ strategy
– The ;send PPE to China even though we might need it’ strategy
– The ‘abandoning the idea of a circuit-break lockdown’ strategy
– The ‘let massive sporting events with massive crowds go ahead’ strategy
The spokesperson also praised the Johnson & Hancock team for investigating what caused some cabinet ministers such as Rishi Sunak to go completely rogue, although they didn’t have time to come to any firm conclusions. He set up his EAT OUT TO HELP OUT strategy without asking any scientists or any advice whatsoever.
‘This is understandable as it would have detracted from the already excellent hypothesis that the team had on their main subject’, said the spokseperson. ‘However, they’ve not ruled out further explorations into the ‘I’m a minister, I’ll do what I f*cking well want if it means getting the cash tills of business ringing,’ strategy.’
Categories: Fake News
Fears for life expectancy in Scotland triggered by Scottish Widows getting so much younger
Population forecasters are tinkling in their tighty whities. The clearest indication yet that life expectancy in Scotland is plummeting has sent shockwaves through the back of a fag packet totter community.
Experts in looking at women and assessing their relative ages examined Scottish Widows adverts over the past few decades and have declared that they are definitely getting younger. Professor Iain James explained, ‘We went back all of the way to the the 1980s and had a stab at guessing the ages of each Scottish Widow smirking knowingly in her black hooded cape.
‘What we found was shocking. Firstly, there was not one wrinkly old Scottish Widow with missing teeth in her 70s. There was one who might have been in her late forties, but her skin was as smooth as a plump haggis and her perfect white teeth glistened in the Glasgow rain.
‘But I’m afraid it gets much sexier. You can see that every few years each one is replaced with a younger model: Early forties; then late thirties; and by the 2010s she is early thirties, tops.
‘In the latest Scottish Widows advert she looks about 23. That can’t mean anything else other than the men they were married to are dying much, much younger than we had previously dared consider.
‘At these rates, we estimate the population of Scotland will be -17 in 2041.’
Categories: Fake News
Random story generator deployed at The Sun
It has long been suspected that articles at tabloid papers have been cobbled together by interns with a drink problem. But the reality is far worse. Anonymous sources have received a copy of a crib sheet that sub-editors can use to churn out stories on demand by simply highlighting options with a yellow marker pen. You too can become a Sun journalist for a day. Here is the current crib sheet for Tuesdays:
A three bedroom house in [Powys / Nottingham / Middlesborough] could be bought for a little as [£32000 / £33000 / £34000] – but there’s a chilling secret.
Its close proximity to [a rubbish dump / foreign undesirables / outside privy] means [there are more rats than cats / the air is filled with the smell of bad food / the garden is full of shit].
[Stacey Simpson / Keeley Stevens / Olivia Hardwick], 29, condemned prospective purchasers by setting their ambitions too low. The [hairdresser / TikTok influencer / nail bar assistant] from Harpenden managed to pay off her £450,000 mortgage two years ago by working [three jobs / as a Cam Girl / the streets], and has little respect for scroungers who want to slum it at the bottom end of the housing market. Boyfriend and window fitter Darren agrees and says “I’d rather vote Labour than live in a shit-hole like that. These people need to find some [self-respect / old dear to fleece / mastic] and start voting for Boris.”
We asked former editor Kelvin McKenzie to comment on the crib sheet, but he simply referred us to Carol Vorderman who [sent us a smouldering selfie / revealed her plunging cleavage / delights her fans with her amazing youthful figure] and told us to behave and watch out for her every Friday.
Categories: Fake News
