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Kylian Mbappe wins European Golden Shoe award for first time
Are Palestinian groups in Lebanon about to give up their weapons?
Donald Trump condemns Putin after deadly Russian strikes on Ukraine
Congolese refugees in Burundi face starvation and violence amid aid cuts
Iran rules out enrichment break as bait for US nuclear deal
Bear stops play: Japan golf event ended after furry sighting
Children’s YouTube star Ms Rachel meets girl from Gaza
Uganda targeting LGBTQ community with hatred and violence: HRW
Venezuela election results: Who lost, won and what next?
Democracy in East Africa is retreating. Here is how it can be saved
Trump rows back tariff threat to agree EU trade-talk extension
Israeli attacks kill dozens in Gaza, including 36 in school-turned-shelter
Gaza Humanitarian Foundation to launch aid deliveries despite losing chief
Towns, Knicks stun Pacers in Game 3 of NBA East finals
US and Iran “do not want” nuclear talks “to collapse”
Maduro triumphs in Venezuelan election boycotted by opposition
Trump lashes out at ‘crazy’ Putin after deadly Russian air raids on Ukraine
Russia-Ukraine war: List of key events, day 1,187
Johnson & Hancock awarded Nobel prize for work on ‘not following the science’
The thorny question of whether or not the UK government was really following the science has been solved by this year’s Nobel Laureates.
Johnson and Hancock’s valuable research over the last 18 months hypothesised what would happen if senior members of a government told everyone they were following the science but, in fact, were ‘not following the science at all.’
A spokesperson for the Nobel medicine Committee said the UK team’s ‘doing the exact opposite’ research project allowed us to make sense for the first time the government thinking behind such policies as:
– The ‘delay in taking any action whatsoever’ strategy
– The ‘not stopping flights coming to the UK from Wuhan until the day before the Chinese locked down the city; strategy
– The ‘Boris Johnson still shaking hands despite warnings from the Spi-behavioural group’ strategy
– The ‘let’s go for herd immunity’ strategy
– The ‘don’t bother with facemasks’ strategy
– The ‘we’re not listening to the WHO’ strategy
– The ;send PPE to China even though we might need it’ strategy
– The ‘abandoning the idea of a circuit-break lockdown’ strategy
– The ‘let massive sporting events with massive crowds go ahead’ strategy
The spokesperson also praised the Johnson & Hancock team for investigating what caused some cabinet ministers such as Rishi Sunak to go completely rogue, although they didn’t have time to come to any firm conclusions. He set up his EAT OUT TO HELP OUT strategy without asking any scientists or any advice whatsoever.
‘This is understandable as it would have detracted from the already excellent hypothesis that the team had on their main subject’, said the spokseperson. ‘However, they’ve not ruled out further explorations into the ‘I’m a minister, I’ll do what I f*cking well want if it means getting the cash tills of business ringing,’ strategy.’
